Facebook is Retarded (Disclaimer: So Is This Blog)
2010 February 24
Wednesday, 10:07. The Boyfriend’s Sister’s Brooklyn Apartment.
Minutes since waking up: 12. Sips of Coffee: 19.
This morning, I was awoken by the weight of a large, odorous object being slowly lowered down across my abdomen. Startled, I waited a few seconds in calculated, ridged stillness… then shot straight up — flinging the offending Thing far away from my expensive Victoria’s Secret purchase-clad-body.
I forgot. I was in Brooklyn. The Boyfriend’s Sister has a dog.
The Boyfriend also happened to be up. As the film of sleep cleared from my eyeballs, I came to realize he — and Sister — were both standing in the bedroom-area of her graciously lent Studio, silently wondering at my odd behavior, and her recently flung mammal.
Ugh.
As they brewed coffee and conspired in muffled tones (as I lay in bed, awkwardly, wondering how to get out as I was barely covered in anything but lacy lingerie), I pretended to fall back asleep. As I did, I unintentionally listened to the conversation that ensued:
Sister: I am so hungover, man.
The Boyfriend: Why?
Sister: Wanted to Piss Bob* off. Came home at 2:30 waaasted. He’s pissed. Yes.
I mulled over this logic. Understood it. Had implemented similar strategies in the past.
When The Boyfriend finally left to go shoot some woman in her underwear all day (fashion model from Holland, great), and Boyfriend’s Sister left the apartment to go walk The Mammal, I extracted myself from her [wonderfully fluffy] Pottery Barn sheet set, threw on respectable clothing, and shuffled over to the Krups Coffee Making Wonder.
As I brewed, I pondered. The things we women do to in relationships.
Now — I’ve been with The Boyfriend for close to three years. Granted, we had The Separation for a few months (realistically, weeks) last year… but we’ve been going strong for quite awhile.
This is going to sound absolutely, undeniably, irrefutably retarded — but it bothers me that The Boyfriend still lists his relationship status on Facebook as “Complicated”.
I know I know I know how that just sounded. And I feel like my IQ has been forcibly dropped several points for just admitting it out loud. And more on the Retard Scale of Life? After finally voicing that it was kind of odd a week or so ago…. after The Boyfriend kept loudly wondering why (upon coming back to New York for a few weeks) women from his past kept sending him messages about getting drinks… going to dinner… hanging out…
“Because you ‘read’ single on Facebook,” I stated bluntly, over carefully taken bites of a Cheerio.
“Oh. I don’t even check that,” stated Boyfriend, “and it’s good to look kind of single for apperances.”
Whatever. I told him to do what he wanted. I used to play that game, too, and I did it wonderfully well.
But now? I’m spending my Morning Coffee Time to actually write A BLOG as I’m contemplating — just to tick Boyfriend off and additionally reprove him not not noticing my awesome lingerie for the past WEEK — whether to change my status, too.
AND in actually writing that — I’m going to go take a cold shower and remove the #&$@-ing Facebook app from my iPhone. Sweet jesus.
Good morning!
– Ashley
One Response
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I can understand how you’d find his status annoying – I probably would too, if I were in those circumstances.
“Complicated”??? *Leads* to more complications.