The Boyfriend = Good for Coffee, Sex, Insulting My Enemies…
2010 February 20
February 20th. 10:51am. Minutes after waking up: 4. Gulps of coffee: 1
Woke up about four and a half minutes ago to something utterly and extordinarily delightful. Usually I’m like dealing with one of those petstore Feed The Mouse to the Snake rodents in the morning. Confused by the light, two seconds away from biting you, and infused with an understandable immortal cynisism.
One thing awesome about my morning, however — as I stumbled into the kitchen, glaring at things — was the realization that it’s pretty awesome to have The Boyfriend. I mean, just in general. The Boyfriend does stuff for you sometimes. The Boyfriend has a practical application to everyday, make-things-easier Life.
For example. This particular morning I threw on my gigantic purple ski socks, shuffled past the coffee maker, and it was as if Edgar Poe himself reared up from the half-empty Starbucks bag an announced that his Raven would be personally concocting my Mocha.
The Boyfriend had brewed coffee. The Boyfriend is useful.
List of Other Things The Boyfriend Is Useful For:
- Making coffee
- Sex
- Petting my hair when I eat MSG.
- Fighting with gigantic bouncers when I get drunk and belligerant and insult them
- Kissing
- Telling me when my outfits look like Star Wars
- Insulting people I don’t like by sending them singing telegrams
- Proof reading my It’ll-Make-Me-Feel-Better I HATE YOU, DUMBASS!! emails to clients / employees / etc.
- Sexy stuff.
- Pretending to be my assistant when I’m actively avoiding creditors
Yeah. The Boyfriend is pretty cool. I’m going to go jump on his bed with my coffee and wake him up now. Good morning, Saturday.
– Ashley
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