Well… Er, Hello.
2010 February 18
AshleyFlys.com, Log 1. 5:05 pm, New Hartford (i.e. The Boyfriend’s Family’s House) in New Hartford, CT.
Presently Drinking: wine & coffee, in separate glasses.
Presently Eating: burned scone.
So after a few delightful individuals petitioned the resurgance of my Manhattan-made-me-cynical writing, I finally decided to sit down… consume several of my favorite things at once… and submit myself to WordPress. It kind of feels like walking into a prison on Lost.
Anyway, weird-ass analogies aside (and because the Pinot/Dunkin’ combination has resulted in a strange, temporarily askew mental state)… here’s a quick recap of the last 12 months of my existence:
February 2010: A few days at Sundance in Park City, Utah post enduring a bomb threat by angry clients. Note: Don’t ever form a webdesign company and give away cheap design for next to nothing, then try to outsource to China. Render self “theoretically homeless” for 36 days.
January 2010: Leave apartment on THE OCEAN because landlords are a pair of 65-year-old lesbians, and they have 12 page Google-stalked you. Note: Take down 10 year old Myspace page that innocently says you enjoy the consumption of strawberries while taking bubblebaths. Another note: Be more aware of bookshelves in future fully furnished apartments that primarily house volumes such as “The Shocking Mysteries of the Female Orgasm”.
December 2009: Escape apartment on ABBOT KINNEY because landlord allows himself to routinely enter apartment without notice, and does things like assault you in the street when he leaves your door open and gets your shit stolen. Note: Find new apartment with less crazy landlord. Another note: Find an apartment on THE OCEAN.
November 2009: Fly to New York for meetings. Hate New York for the first time, ever. Loose storage keys, get into a fight with manager at Manhattan Mini on 213th and Broadway. Break into storage locker. Fly to Paris two hours later. Note: Fly AirFrance more often — the amount of complimentary alcohol they almost force upon you is shocking. Another note: Don’t loose cell phone charger in Paris airport. You will be screwed.
October 2009: Have one blissful month in Venice, California. New city, new friends, new apartment. Wake up eerily happy, all the time. Wake up to even more eerily perfect weather, all the time. Note: Don’t go back to Manhattan any time soon. Another note: Pay overpriced car loan.
September 2009: Road trip from New York to Los Angeles with a crapload of photography equipment and random stuff. Note: Don’t ever drive Saab more than 20 miles at a time, every again. Another note: SELL THE F*#)@-ing SAAB
August 2009: Road trip from Los Angeles to New York to visit aunt in Wyoming. Saab blows up half way to Denver. Obtain AAA, and not the alcoholic kind. Pay some jackass named Al $1,400 for a new fuel pump “imported” from Colorado.
July 2009: Fly to New York to reignite things with The Boyfriend. Realize being single without the love of your life absolutely sucks. Throw him a surprise birthday party in SoHo. Purposely overdraft bank account to obtain The Perfect Sexy (Surprisingly Orange) Dress. Successfully re-ignite things with The Boyfriend.
June 2009: Run around Los Angeles and date. A lot. Date some guy who works for some charity. Get read tons of obscure Spanish poetry. Consider another relationship. Consider the possibility of insanity.
May 2009: Move to Los Angeles. Be miserable in a tiny room for several weeks. Get kidnapped by an Oscar winning producer. Get locked into a room and get told “You Will Eat Sushi with Me Tonight” by another Oscar winning producer. Consider moving to Alaska.
April 2009: Bad month. Actually break up with The Boyfriend. Pack up life, store half of it at 213th and Broadway. Get proposed to. Don’t accept. Book a one-way to Los Angeles.
March 2009: Okay month. Audition for lots of pilot season crap. Do really well with the depressing and/or Sci-Fi related stuff. Get close to a pilot. Fly out to LA to screentest. Get down to the wire. They chose “the celebrity”. #*@!.
February 2009: Bad month. Go through heart-hurting things with The Boyfriend. Wonder if moving to Los Angeles is a good idea. Wonder if he’s dating something else.
January 2009: Worst month ever. Break up with The Longtime Boyfriend due to marriage/playing house fears. Don’t want to mutually own plate sets anymore. Spend the New Years Eve countdown in the bathroom of a yacht, hiding from a Middle Eastern Billionaire. Miss boyfriend. Start auditioning for pilots.
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(burp). So, in writing that I’ve easily consumed a good portion of this glass of wine, as well as most of the coffee. Exceptional cranial displeasure has resulted, so I think I’m going to go take an Advil and make out with The Boyfriend. Because The Boyfriend rocks, and is a really good kisser.
Welcome to AshleyFlys.com. Because DELTA sucks. — Ashley Avis
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